HEJ. You wonderful creature. Woman.
Just a quick errand to run. If I were given five extra minutes of my life every time I said that sentence and what it represents, I'd live to a ripe old age. Mornings consist of organizing, untangling, and usually lots of love, because there needs to be plenty of love in the morning so that children can emerge from a warm and loving nest into the world. With a backbone, a cup of cocoa in their tummy, and the fundamental trust that Mom and Dad are simply there to protect them.
A birthday present for her best friend Mariella is quickly ordered, a doctor's appointment is scheduled, and it's noted in her head that new clothes are urgently needed. Her husband's hair appointment is also taken care of, the meal is planned, and friends' requests to meet up are answered.
There's care, cooking, love, tidying up, and sorting. Of course, the laundry has to go back in the closets, and the rest of the household needs attention more than just once a week. The day is packed with obvious and necessary obligations and a hundred times as many little things until late into the night.
This is a juggling mess in itself, which we manage daily, and the sheer number of balls often makes it difficult to keep them in the air.
Welcome to 'MENTAL LOAD' - the invisible mental work of women.
On top of their full-time jobs, which also demand every ounce of their energy, this invisible, emotional, and organizational work essentially constitutes the entire management, especially in households with children and families, and is mostly done by women. It's simply assumed that the woman takes care of everything. That it all runs smoothly—as if by magic.
MY BEST QUALITY - JUST BE ME.
Upbringing certainly plays a role, as does a woman's own socialization. High personal standards often get in the way of better distributing or delegating tasks. And to top it all off, there's the issue of time and control, because we women are usually faster, better organized, and can simply 'do things ourselves'.
Well, do you recognize yourself or your role structure?
I, too, am always trying to reduce my mental load and let go of tasks. Honestly, that's difficult, because sometimes I even have to organize small things that I take for granted, so a bad mood is inevitable.
We're going to stop this now. TOGETHER!
We're making some changes now. We're addressing them and redistributing tasks. We're prioritizing conditions and priorities, and deciding in advance what our priorities are.
For me, it's the housework. I'm terrible at tolerating disorder, although building the house and the constant chaos has made things considerably easier – even for me. But if you look at my upbringing, it's clear that I come from a very tidy household and had few opportunities to create disorder as a child. Chaos doesn't mean dirt – I know that now.
And I've left behind the unhealthy excesses of my upbringing. It was so important to me that not a single crumb lay on the floor that I would get up mid-conversation and wipe it away. My husband isn't quite so particular about that, and he can certainly tolerate our huskies bringing sand into the house and creating entire sandboxes. He's more relaxed, and that's precisely where I come in with my little "mental load boat." We're discussing more and more what's important to us now, and I'm letting go. I have to accept that it won't happen at my pace, not in the timeframe I'd like, and certainly in a different way—but it's getting done. And even though it's difficult, it feels good. Really.
YOU ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR EVERYTHING.
Everything that happens in your relationship, parenthood, and so on, is also your partner's responsibility, and you are not responsible for everything. I'm writing it again so you read it slowly.
YOU ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR EVERYTHING AND NOT IN CHARGE OF EVERY SHIT!
Delegate tasks, switch off your mind, and take better care of yourself. Give yourself breaks – even from tasks – and declare yourself your best friend.
For the party, skip the store-bought cake. Leave the laundry and agree on a division of chores for specific areas. Use apps for shopping together and family organization in advance.
Say NO when someone expects you to take on extra tasks and tries to pile responsibility on you. Say NO when you don't have the desire, the time, or the energy. And damn it, let people talk. It doesn't matter what others think of you. People who love you know exactly what you need, how to support you, and they will never judge you by what you haven't accomplished. They love you for who you are.
ALL OF THIS TAKES TIME
❥ And since it's a holiday today, I'm leading by example. I'm grabbing my wonderful husband, whom I absolutely love despite his tendency to ignore crumbs on the floor, and going out for breakfast with him. I'm leaving the housework for later, because nobody's upset if it's not perfect. And while we're having breakfast, I'll ask him what's important to him. Because I believe that's how we can get out of the mental overload hamster wheel and enjoy life even more. Why don't you try it too?
'BE COURAGEOUS' CAMPAIGN 2022
Join the heartwarming 'Courage Maker' postcard campaign 2022! Would you like to receive and send a postcard? To share courage and laughter? Then you've come to the right place! Just like in previous years, we'll be sending postcards to each other in our Facebook group, sharing a few kind words and a little encouragement. Brighten up someone's day, share the postcards we receive in the group, and get to know each other. What do you need? A postcard, a stamp, and the desire to do something nice for someone you don't know. You can find all the information about the campaign in the schwalbenliebe® Facebook group. We'd love for you to join us!
ESCAPE, ROLE MODEL & BLUE/YELLOW
The impact of a child's escape only becomes apparent in retrospect. I know this from personal experience, because, as some of you know, I am a refugee from the complex web of internal German reunification and fled across the "Green Border." It makes me incredibly angry. Because war was no longer an option. Not a cold war, and certainly not an aggressive and overt one.
Three generations of my family have fled, and I'm not willing to accept that these things keep happening. So if you can, please help.
Because in every war and every escape, not only does our worldview crumble, but a child experiences terrible things that leave them speechless, things that usually catch up with them as an adult.
# svalaukraini
#COOPERATIONINSTEAD OF COMPETITION
We, the Ebook Makers, are a collaboration driven by passion, love for our work, and a strong sense of community. Sharing knowledge and looking out for one another are cornerstones of our success, and we strengthen each other within the group, offering advice and planning this project together with great energy. Each of us wants to encourage you through our contributions, share valuable insights, and inspire you to pursue your dreams. If you'd like to read our other wonderful posts, you can find them summarized on our blog on the Ebook Makers website. Stay courageous and true.